Hatred is the Greatest Stumbling Block

His Holiness the Dalai Lama observed: “In Buddhism in general, a lot of attention is paid to our attitudes towards or rivals or enemies. This is because hatred can be the greatest stumbling block to the development of compassion and happiness. If you can learn to develop patience and tolerance toward your enemies, then everything else becomes much easier—your compassion towards all others begins to flow naturally.” (page 178) From The Art of Happiness, by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D. Riverhead Books, 1998.

Shinshu’s commentary: This is also one of the hardest practices. First, rivals or enemies may be someone perceived outside of ourselves or the way we relate to our own self. Hatred is a hardening emotion and tends to reify our ideas about self and others. Letting go is a kind of generosity toward self and other. Think about it; when you let go and relax into a difficult situation you give yourself some ease, both physically and mentally. Don’t you feel better? Aren’t you happier? You also allow space for something different and productive to happen with your “enemy.” The problem is that we feel the need to be right and defend our self or our ideas. Letting go is the practice of no-inherently-existing-self. That means we are connected with each other…we can feel with, find empathy. What are we protecting? Why do we need to be “right”?
If you go to a restaurant and the waiter is rude to you or they don’t respond the way you expect, do they become the enemy? Or are they a person who might have their own problems, separate from you? Why does their response make us upset? Can we let go of our ideas about how others should behave toward us? Isn’t a little friction necessary for developing patience and compassion? Shouldn’t we give a little thanks to these small difficulties? If you find yourself resisting this teaching; take a closer look. What is the enemy here? What keeps us from responding with generosity, patience and compassion? Where is happiness?
Gassho, Shinshu

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